I’ve restarted this more times than I’m comfortable sharing. I’ve concluded that I need two versions of this.
The “sad, I’m missing you, and wish you well” version
The “angry, upset, and fuck you” version
The whole idea of two different letters comes from the two sides of losing a relationship of this magnitude. These people were my late-night call. I shared my joyous moments and my saddest days. They were my confidants. We would cry together, both with sadness and joy. Sometimes there are happy moments and other days I am angry. Part of including both letters is my learning to be comfortable with this spectrum of emotions.
So, here we go.
Dear Ex-Best Friend,
Lately, I’ve been thinking about you. Not that I ever fully stopped. We went from talking constantly to not speaking at all. Yes, I still wonder what you might be doing. Who are you friends with? How do you decompress? How your life has changed? I often find that perfect gift or that perfect meme. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever not wonder “what if.” Our relationship was something I always thought would last forever; it was always so organic and relaxed. We were always able to talk about anything and everything. We could eat all the food and just laugh.
You were supposed to be the Auntie to my babies; their person to turn to and their best friend.
I think I’m still grieving what could have been. At this point, I’m not sure I’ll ever not be grieving. Overall, our friendship changed me. It showed me how to show up for the people that we love. Even more, since our friendship abruptly ended, it showed me some of my faults. It’s allowed me to grow and change.
For that, I can’t thank you enough.
I’ll always be cheering you on from afar. I hope you are living the happiest, most joy-filled life that you possibly can. While I understand that the likelihood of our relationship ever-changing is slim to none, I’ll always keep my door open for you.
Love you forever,
Kaylie
Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I’m disappointed. We had a great thing going. We could have lasted forever, but we didn’t. To be honest, I’m not sure I could ever fully forgive you for giving up on us. I’m not sure I could ever forgive you for not being there to support me when I was so anxious I couldn’t leave the house. For when I was being emotionally abused at a job and needed support and encouragement while I changed directions. For when I married the love of my life. For when I birth two wonderful babies. I’m disappointed that you couldn’t show up for me.
I’m learning to understand that I need to expect people to be as encouraging and faithful to me as I am to them. You couldn’t do that for me and that’s a “You” problem.
I wish you the best in life,
Kaylie
Recently, I posted a video on my Instagram story. It was a reel that discussed how difficult it is to be a parent because you lose so much of your friendships. I had 2 women, who I hadn’t spoken to in years, reach out and share their feelings about it. It was raw. It was impactful. All it did was reinforce that we have such a community around us, so thank you to everyone who has been there for me.
I appreciate you more than I could ever verbalize.
Do you have stories about friendships that didn’t survive? Let’s talk about them, the good, the bad, the ugly. It’s all welcome.
